I am grateful to God for the recommendation of Rotem by Ovadyah from the kolhator.org.il 'Beit Yoseph' guesthouse. Thank you Ovadiyah. And a special thank you to Kay for helping to introduce me to Noam and family. I have been happy to work again and help build a house or at least some parts of the mud straw walls.
I am just about to go back to Jerusalem today and then down to Hebron and Beersheba. My flight leaves for Dallas, Texas on the 28th of October so my trip is drawing to a close. I am very glad to have been in Israel and am in deep despair regarding the rest of my lonely life. Please pray for me, that my faith will be strong, the children of Israel were discouraged in the way as tey neared Edom's territory. Edom is the western world and my heart is discouraged to leave Israel for the USA and then back to Australia. Although there are good folks there, it is not Zion. Despite whatever Torah I have I am facing returning to Edoms strong city, the western world of superficiality, witchcraft and external things. I feel at home in Israel, but thename of Yeshua my saviour prevents my entry to my home. I choose exile with Him, rather than deny Him, but I cant stand too much more of Esaus world and I am in danger of giving up hope. Father where are you taking me? My eyes are on you. What am I to do with what's left of the rest of my life? Coming back to the west is like dyng. whre are you leading me? How long must I be burried alive? What can I put my hand to next? I am glad to have studied Hebrew and the Torah and to understand some basic things like the regathering of the 10 lost tribes of the house of Israel. But all these revelations have only made my life harder and more isolated. what should have given me joy, has further isolated me.
Israel has really felt like home, especially amongst the settlers. For the first time in my life I feel like I could settle down and build a house. In Australia I can't do this because Australia and New Zealand don't feel like home for my soul, though there are good brothers and sisters there. I suspect that the USA will feel very external, it's Esaus (USA = eSAU). But the USA contains much of captive Israel, some of whom are awakening to Torah. Sadly too many are arguing about how to split a hair and are in danger of baseless hatred and loosing more than they have gained, myself included. Torah should lead to love and to the Messiah.
When I look at the road ahead, all I see is darkness. For some reason the Lord has answered my prayers and enabled me to have a holiday in Israel, but despite wanting to follow the Torah, I am not allowed to stay here because I believe in Yeshua. This rips my heart in two because I know in my soul that Israel is my home. Even though I have seen God's hand in bringing me here, I see that I must return to the exile. There is nothing for me spiritually in Australia, New Zealand or the USA. For me these are dead places, and so I am returning to a place of spiritual death. I don't know what to do with the rest of my lonely life. The Torah has not led me to the promised land, it has led me to a brick wall, a dead end. Rotem is the place I am feeling this the most, because it has been such a wonderful home for my soul and the time for my departure is drawing closer.
In Rotem, on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, I was given the third reading of Leviticus 16 to read. It is strictly forbidden in Judaism for a Gentile to do this, but somehow God arranged things for me to read the blessings over the reading and be blessed.
7 And he shall take the two goats, and present them before the LORD at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. 8 And Aaron shall cast lots upon the two goats; one lot for the LORD, and the other lot for the scapegoat. 9 And Aaron shall bring the goat upon which the LORD'S lot fell, and offer him for a sin offering. 10 But the goat, on which the lot fell to be the scapegoat, shall be presented alive before the LORD, to make an atonement with him, and to let him go for a scapegoat into the wilderness. 11 And Aaron shall bring the bullock of the sin offering, which is for himself, and shall make an atonement for himself, and for his house, and shall kill the bullock of the sin offering which is for himself: 12 And he shall take a censer full of burning coals of fire from off the altar before the LORD, and his hands full of sweet incense beaten small, and bring it within the vail: 13 And he shall put the incense upon the fire before the LORD, that the cloud of the incense may cover the mercy seat that is upon the testimony, that he die not: 14 And he shall take of the blood of the bullock, and sprinkle it with his finger upon the mercy seat eastward; and before the mercy seat shall he sprinkle of the blood with his finger seven times. 15 Then shall he kill the goat of the sin offering, that is for the people, and bring his blood within the vail, and do with that blood as he did with the blood of the bullock, and sprinkle it upon the mercy seat, and before the mercy seat: 16 And he shall make an atonement for the holy place, because of the uncleanness of the children of Israel, and because of their transgressions in all their sins: and so shall he do for the tabernacle of the congregation, that remaineth among them in the midst of their uncleanness. 17 And there shall be no man in the tabernacle of the congregation when he goeth in to make an atonement in the holy place, until he come out, and have made an atonement for himself, and for his household, and for all the congregation of Israel.
What does it mean, that I was able to read this on Yom Kippur (actually the Hebrew blessing before and after the of reading this Torah reading)? I can only give my subjective opinion that it was an encouragement from the Father. But like Yeshua the priest in Zachariah, I am a shabby example of someone that is accepted by God.
1 And he shewed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right hand to resist him. 2 And the LORD said unto Satan, The LORD rebuke thee, O Satan; even the LORD that hath chosen Jerusalem rebuke thee: is not this a brand plucked out of the fire? 3 Now Joshua was clothed with filthy garments, and stood before the angel.
If I am accepted, then why do I have to leave Israel? And so here I am in Rotem, having good memories of the kindness and hospitality of the people and their love of Torah, having enjoyed my work with them, and having received some Yom Kippur blessing from the Father. And now I face exile with the shechinah amongst captive Israel in the green Goshens, we call the lands where the lost tribes sojourn, USA, Australia, New Zealand etc.
I live a life of exile, and I live it alone, as someone struck down by divine decree. What have I to look forward to? What can I build or put my hand to since I have no rest for my soul and I cannot put down roots outside the promised land? This may be hard for some people to grasp, but I have never felt like a Kiwi or Ozzy (a person from New Zealand or Australia). And I literally can't settle down there, the places are beautiful but they feel like prison, because they are a prison, like Egypt was for Israel a long time ago. I am looking despair in the face. I know God is good, but I have come to a brick wall in my life and all that God has revealed has led me to 'rack and ruin'. The regathering of the lost tribes is still many years away, we are not even in the North Country yet, as I have described in other blogs. So Father, what's next? Can I have a life?
1 Kings 19:4
But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper (Rotem) tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.
וְהֽוּא־הָלַךְ בַּמִּדְבָּר דֶּרֶךְ יֹום וַיָּבֹא וַיֵּשֶׁב תַּחַת רֹתֶם אֶחָת וַיִּשְׁאַל אֶת־נַפְשֹׁו לָמוּת וַיֹּאמֶר רַב עַתָּה יְהוָה קַח נַפְשִׁי כִּֽי־לֹא־טֹוב אָנֹכִי מֵאֲבֹתָֽי׃
H7574 רתם rethem rôthem
BDB Definition:broom-plant, retem a kind of broom plant
Origin: from H7573; the Spanish broom (from its pole like stems): - juniper (tree).
H7573 רתם A primitive root; to yoke up (to the pole of a vehicle): - bind.
Micah 1:13 O thou inhabitant of Lachish, bind (retom) the chariot to the swift beast: she is the beginning of the sin to the daughter of Zion: for the transgressions of Israel were found in thee.
רְתֹם הַמֶּרְכָּבָה לָרֶכֶשׁ יֹושֶׁבֶת לָכִישׁ רֵאשִׁית חַטָּאת הִיא לְבַת־צִיֹּון כִּי־בָךְ נִמְצְאוּ פִּשְׁעֵי יִשְׂרָאֵֽל׃
All I can say is, what has already been said in the church before...
O come, O come, Emmanuel,
and ransom captive Israel
that mourns in lonely exile here
until the Son of God appear.
R: Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
shall come to thee, O Israel!