In the last few weeks I visited the Galilee, the Golan (and hired an Avis rent a car, getting two punctures and some wonderful memories including picking up Yeshiva students on holiday and running a taxi service!). I visited a few other places including Tsfat, the mystical city of the Kaballah. I am glad to have visited these places. The Golan needs filling with people, just like the Shomron, Judeah, the Jordan Valley and the Negev. I spent 9 days in Tiberias, many of those days not going anywhere. My eyes are tired of seeing. I need more being and less seeing. And I need to get back to some sort of work routine.
It's the end of my time here in Israel. I feel like it is the end of a ten year chapter of my life. About 12 years ago I returned back to the Lord after walking away because I was still lonely and single, some Christians treated me bad and I couldn't see God in my life. Not much has changed in that regard. But at least I know that I am not of the world and that the Father in Heaven is there and shows his hand even if he isn't Santa Clause.
Ten years ago I visited Israel after beginning to learn to read Hebrew. Now after studying Hebrew and Torah my personal life is still a lonely one. But now I have been hurt by even more people. And if it was hard to find a mate back then, it's practically impossible now. So much for the blessings of the Torah. This world is just a soul crushing meat grinder where any sort of stand for the truth is as good as useless. It makes me just want to hide under a rock and let the world go by.
Getting back to the subject of Israel, I am glad I have come. I am enriched by meeting the settlers and seeing the under populated and under cultivated land of Joseph, the Shomron. My overall impression is that the land needs the return of 10 more tribes. This must be at least another generation away because a reunited Judah and Israel must return from the North Country, Jer 23:8, 31:8. According to the same prophet this is a land by the river Euphrates, Jer 46:10, which is located in the modern day Iraq. Thus we are still awaiting a return of the 10 lost tribes to Iraq. The bulk of the lost tribes in North America that are awakening to the Torah must therefore return to Iraq before they return to the Shomron and the rest of Israel. This may sound bizarre, but in order for them to return from the north country, they must first be there! And unless I am mistaken, they are not there now. But they are in another North Country, North America.
And it is to this once abundantly blessed but now troubled land that I am flying to next. By the grace of God I hope to be in Dallas Texas in about a days time. I have just under 6 weeks to imbibe the better part of Texas amongst brothers and sisters in the Lord. But I am not coming as some Holy Elijah with a mission from God. I am coming by God's mercy, angry at God for having such a lonely existance, tired and jaded and uterly sick of carrying a message about the lost tribes that virtually no one in Australia is interested in. Really I just want to get a job and plug right back into the Matrix. Why? -because in Australia, the Messianic community is small and getting smaller every time a hair is split. If God is not going to do anything then please can I get on with my life in the mean time? I will keep my revelations of His word to myself. I am not a coward, I'm just tired and disillusioned.
I can't wake up people and I can only inform them if God is informing them. I do sense the Lord's kindness in opening up a place to stay in Texas amongst Messianic folks and I just pray that God does what God wants to do amongst us. This opportunity is indeed a little miracle. I seem to be sustained by them. After this 6 week trip I return to New Zealand and then Australia to be burried alive in the afluent, busy, headonistic indifference of a nation that has long since forgotten God. Australia is just work, beaches, bbq's, sport and beer. Life under the sun.
So I am excited to have fellowship in America and to see this great land and it's prisoners. They are the descendants of the pilgrims from Europe, who like the pilgrim Israelites that came to Egypt as free men, are now in need of deliverance also, having become enslaved to another Pharoah who knew not Joseph (or Yeshua). Help us Father, the days are getting a good deal darker, your people are hopelessly divided, but our eyes are on you. You have been awakening us to your Torah, but we have no place to go. We cannot return to Israel because that requires denying Yeshua in order to satisfy the Rabbis. Yeshua just ain't Kosher. So can I have my bacon sandwich now? I don't want one actually. And the Torah laws are not so heavy. The hard things are things of the heart, things like trusting in God when all we get is punishment for our fidelity and loneliness for our vision. Help me to hear your voice Father. Help me to want to.
I would like to walk away from the messianic movement and from the Jewish people and put the whole experience in the too hard basket and get on with making a living and fading away into the cracks in the floor. Even if it is the floor of the winepress of Babylon. But my life is not my own and I will do only what the Lord allows me to do despite my protestations. I just want off this train ride now Father. I want my life back if that is possible. I don't care about the big picture. Let the world go on headlong into the birthpangs of whatever. But can I have a wife and family? Can i have a life and a future? Is there anything to hope in? Is there something I can strive for while we wait for World War 3 and this whole godless, deaf and blind generation to go pop?
I would like to walk away from it all, but I can't. And I remember all the Lord's kindnesses along this lonely road. So I can't get off this train. But can I ride in another carriage? Is there something positive that I can do while I wait for the world to explode? I don't want to be a prophet on a hilltop, speaking to my bedroom walls and throwing words into the wind. Can I just get a haircut and a real job? I don't know what I can hope for, but father I am a broken man. Broken in a bad way. Please give me a new beginning. My life is old and my hope is gone. I see your hand in my life but it is not enough. I am alone, Australia is fast asleep, the Messianics are squabling over their baby food and I don't want to cope with it anymore. I want out of the insane asylum that is my life. I am in lock down in solitary confinement with a Torah revelation that is killing me instead of raising me from the dead.
I have seen Israel again. I am so grateful. I met the people I wanted to meet, the settlers. And I saw your hand in my travels Father. Now I am being sent out of Eden for the crime of believing in Yeshua. Unlike Adam, I am sent out alone, can I have my other half? I will raise my children in your love and fear, if you will give them to me. But I am limping along now and am in danger of losing heart in the lands of Edom. Please save me. And ransome captive Israel. I am falling apart Lord. My eyes are on you. Please save me. I want a new beginning if that is possible.